My high school held a card party in the gym every year to raise money for the school. Since I was a wonderful student — or because I was forced to, I don’t remember … it was many beers ago — I helped out during my senior year. The event didn’t start until 8 at night, so there was about a 4-hour window between the end of classes and when the card party started. So, with all that time to kill, I had some options: Our lunch room had a ping pong table and a foosball table, so I could occupy my time playing those. There was a mall across the street, so I could hang out there. Or maybe, since it was Friday, I could get a head start on my weekend homework.
Instead, my good buddy Mike and I decided to host multiple screenings (on VHS!) of arguably the greatest match in pro wrestling history: Naked Mideon vs. William Regal for the European Title at No Mercy 2000.
Naked Mideon, for those of you who don’t know your history, was a character portrayed by Dennis Knight. When he first arrived in WWE, Knight was a part of the tag team the Godwinns, who were … pig farmers. Then, the team became Southern Justice, who were … redneck bodyguards. After that, Knight was kidnapped by and then joined the Ministry of Darkness (a group led by the Undertaker during his “Let’s crucify people!” phase), and he became Mideon. The best thing about Mideon was his theme music.
Finally, for reasons that I don’t remember ever being explained, Mideon started randomly showing up on RAW and Smackdown in nothing but a fanny pack: Naked Mideon had arrived.
Unlike Steve Austin’s switch from the Ringmaster to Stone Cold, Mideon becoming Naked Mideon did not lead to Knight becoming the biggest star in WWE history. However, probably (definitely) because we’re idiots, Mike and I were arguably (definitely) his biggest fans. If he would show up on RAW, one of us would either call the other’s house to make sure he was watching, or it would be the first thing we talked about the next day at school*. Eventually, Naked Mideon had a match. For a title. On a PPV people paid money to watch. Here are some blurry photos (courtesy of WWE Network) of the match highlights:
The tease (Mike, via text — “It’s the Steamboat/Savage of No Mercy.”)
The high point (Jim Ross, on commentary — “Put the women and children to bed.”)
The wide shot (J.R. — “Can we get a wide shot, maybe.” Mike — “Curse out J.R. for requesting a wide shot.”)
The end (Mike — “It was the best match in its segmented amount of time.”)
Not surprisingly, after we somehow got around a dozen people to attend the first screening of this match that afternoon, by the third screening (Mike — “Third screening? We had over 60!”), it was just Mike and I watching by ourselves. To quote Tex Slazenger, Knight’s post-Naked Mideon character, and the final one he portrayed before he was released by the WWE: “Don’t bother the crazy people.”
* We were the coolest kids in our high school